A Shot in the Dark

PARAPROSDOKIAN: “Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.”

• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

These and more were in our area newspaper this week, and several of them were pretty funny. It made me think of a situation in our house that seems like a paraprosdokian, but not very funny... at least to me...

You see, tonight Corey has to start giving me a shot. AND HE’S HAPPY ABOUT IT! He thinks it will be fun. He mentioned something about pay-back, blah, blah, blah… OK, just because I have a thing with his nose hairs when they grow so long they ‘blend in’ with his mustache, or when his gray ear hairs come wisping out of his ears… Well, the best time to take care of those situations is while he is driving down the highway going 65 m.p.h. He is too preoccupied with driving so he really can’t fight back and then I get to take care of business! YANK! Out they come! And I’ve gotten so good that I usually get five or six at every pull! I tell him gray hair coming out of his ears makes me think about my grandpa and in no way shape or form am I ready for Corey to start reminding me of him!

• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

And this brings us to “the shots” that Corey will be giving me. I’m nervous, I’m terrified. I know what the goal is, but I don’t know if it can be reached. I really don’t want to start moving our target to wherever we might end up. And to top it all off, I'm scared of needles! I can't stand getting shots from a nurse, let alone my revenge-seeking husband! And when it comes to blood draws and finger pokes, I'm a mess! And starting an IV - they have to bring in their most experienced person available! When I was a kid I just flat out cried and screamed my head off. But since I've gotten a tad more mature I now practice the 'close my eyes-hold my breath-stomp on my other foot' technique! It seems to help a bit - we'll see if I can go to that special place tonight as Corey is jabbing me with a ten inch needle. (that may have been a slight exaggeration!)

“Oh Lord, Are we doing the right thing? Did we make the right decisions? Are we following You, or our own selfish desires?”
Be Still and Know that I Am God.
“Yes Lord. But…”
Peace I give you.
“But… what if?”
Shhhh.
“OK, but please give me the strength to accept the outcome no matter what might happen. Amen.”

• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.