Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Time to move on - to February that is.

The end of January… January 31st… Yep, can’t say I’m sad to see you go!

Before Thanksgiving I found an article and posted it on Facebook about Surviving the Holidays while Grieving. I wrote above it that Corey and I were just hoping to get to February. . . So here we are. Did I learn more in January then I was planning on? Yes! I not only ‘got through it’ but there were days that I felt like I thrived! That’s growth! No one promised that we would have an easy journey. No one said that our lives were going to get back to normal. (Sure, some people tried telling us that time will make it easier, others tried telling us it was time to move on, still others muttered about walking around on egg-shells around us.) No one, that is, that knew what they were talking about!

January, for the most part, was a pretty quiet month for us. That is exactly how we wanted it. Before January of 2011 we thought we would be planning a first birthday party. We also thought that we might be living in Wisconsin. Well, obviously God had different plans for us. Instead we stayed here in Nebraska and planned a first angelversary “random-act-of-kindness-day”. Instead of first steps, first teeth, first cake-smearing-on-face, we are concentrating on shots, doctor appointments, x-rays, blood draws and other lab work. Instead of goodie bags, balloons and birthday cake on the 18th we spent time at the hospital visiting with our nurse that helped us make so many decisions after Calleigh was born still, we also picked out and ordered Calleigh’s headstone for the cemetery. Was anything we did in January stuff that I had planned before January, 2011? NO! Is any of it a surprise to God? NO! Are we still trusting Him with the big picture? YES! I will admit, if I could write my story-book ending Calleigh would still be here – alive and well. I wouldn’t have Corey giving me shots every evening, I wouldn’t have met and made friends with several women from all over the world. It’s not that I don’t appreciate these friendships or my hubby’s gentle touch with a needle – I just really, really want my daughter back! I would give up almost anything to have her here with us, not just the bit of ashes I wear around my neck everyday, but really, really here with us.

So, I can't say I'm sad about tearing off my January calendar tomorrow at work! Here's to looking to a brighter February in 2012 then we had in 2011!

"I can sing in the troubled times, sing when I win. I can sing when I lose my step and fall down again. I can sing 'cause You pick me up, sing 'cause You're there. I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord, when I call to you in prayer. I can sing with my last breath, sing for I know that I'll sing with the angels and the saints around the throne."

Peace and Love to All!

1 comment:

  1. Not to be nosy, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but what are the shots for? Just curious. :o)