Friday, February 10, 2012

Patience is a . . . Virtue?

That’s how the saying goes – and quite frankly I agree with it, I just don’t seem to have any. Patience that is. Not that I haven’t been given ample opportunities in my life to display patience, and I surely have never “prayed” for patience. (We all know what happens when we do that, we are given more than enough circumstances to learn patience. Right?) But for me patience does not come easily. I tend to want things RIGHT NOW – whether it be; answers to life’s questions, test results, directions for our survival, a fixed computer, winning maid services for fifty years, having a personal chef… whatever, I just want it RIGHT NOW!

Since I have no patience I thought I’d look up ‘virtue’ to see if it was something I really wanted anyway, or if I could reason myself out of it once again… Well Nope. ‘Virtue’ is all good stuff. Stuff I want to be. Stuff I want for my life. Stuff I want for my family. Some of the words were: Asset, Good Quality, Good Feature, Desirable Quality, Good Value, Good Worth, High Merit & High Caliber. WOW! So now I’m convicted!

For the past little-over-a-week our computer at home has not been working very good. It will turn on, connect to internet, work fine for about 3-4 minutes, then completely freeze up or turn itself off. Then I have to hold in the button to shut it down, turn it back on, log it back in and then it works – for another 3-4 minutes! Not a very patience-inducing exercise. If I was in the middle of typing something it was then gone forever! It’s also so hard to figure out where you were when you have to keep starting over every couple minutes. I’m pretty sure I’ve said some non-virtuous things to the computer this past week. I’ve done scans, down-loads, system restores, defragmenting, you name it – I’ve tried it! (Except for my solution of throwing it up against the wall, which Corey quickly nips in the bud.)

Also a week and a day ago was the conclusion of Corey giving me shots. Even though I still have the bruises to show for them (one of them looks exactly like a heart and although it’s faded from it’s purple/blue shades to a yellowish/olive green color it is still very visible) we are now not-so-patiently waiting to see if they worked! Well, technically I guess the shots worked for what they were designed to do, but now we have to wait to see if in the big picture of things they worked. And I will admit, I’m not waiting too patiently for that either!

Many people have asked us about the shots and some people have guessed. Yes, they were hormone shots. We were encouraged by our OB doctor in Lincoln to at least give a fertility specialist in Omaha a try. He said because of our "age" we should procrastinate no longer! We have been trying to have a baby since last April, and I haven’t been very patient with myself about that either. Well, after working with our OB, then doing all of the testing for our new Omaha doctors we were finally ready to give this a shot (pun intended!). So last Friday evening Corey and I headed up to Omaha with the forecast of 12-14 inches of snow predicted for overnight Friday and all day Saturday. We arrived while it was still raining and wondered what we would wake up to the next morning. The meteorologists finally got one right as we awoke to several inches of the white stuff blanketing the ground, streets, vehicles, sidewalks… We were thankful that we had made the decision to go up the night before. Corey’s appointment was at 7:40 a.m. and mine was at 9:00 a.m. Under normal circumstances it would take 2 minutes to get to the office from the Comfort Inn that we were staying at, but of course with the current conditions Corey left in plenty of time for his appointment. When he got back we went down to the lobby for breakfast (I love those waffle machines! Fill up the cup, pour it in, close the handle and flip it over, presto!) then we decided to leave in plenty of time for my appointment. At 8:40 a.m. Corey went to pull the truck around to the front door to pick me up and as I was getting in he said “did my truck just die?” Sure enough, it did. Corey has never had a single problem with his truck before. We were NOT going to panic. (Easier said than done!) How awesome was it that God put a couple guys at our hotel that were there for an auto auction? One of them had jumper cables and flipped things and checked things (obviously I know a lot about vehicles) and found a problem and fixed it! So, we were on our way. I had already called the office to let them know the situation and inform them we’d be a few minutes late and my doctor said she would drive to the motel and pick me up! Also, the lady at the front desk said she’d send the maintenance man to come get us. How cool that everything worked out!

I went in for the “procedure” and everything went as clock-work. The shots worked so well, I had at least 4 follicles that were mature, all test looked great, everything seemed to be at the optimal levels, BUT (here’s a BIG but) there are no guarantees. Of course I know this. I do. I really, really do. But here is my current struggle – I’m having a hard time being PATIENT waiting to find out if it worked. So, I wait. And pray. And learn whatever it is that God wants me to learn from this. And I mark off the days on my calendar. And then I wait some more. I’m suppose to ‘test’ the 18th, but I’ve already decided that I have two tests so I’ll test a couple days before that too. (Hey, I already admitted to NOT being patient!)

Why did I just spell that out? Hmmm. Well probably because I've said from the very beginning that my life is an open book and God can use our lives to help whomever He sees fit. Also because we could use all the prayers we can get! I already said there are no guarantees and IF it works I also have a much higher risk of miscarriage, so with all that in to consideration I would love to know people are praying for us.

We are NOT trying to replace Calleigh - I don't want people to think that. I would give anything to have her back here with us. I guess it's not something I can really put in to words how to describe why I want a baby. But I can assure everyone that our prayer from the very beginning has been "Lord, fulfill our desire or take our desire away". The desire to have a baby is stronger than ever, so we move forward in obedience and trust God with our every step. Through lots of prayer and (hopefully) learning some patience, we will be able to share this journey with our friends and family.

Romans 5:3-5 ~ Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Oh yeah, and the good news is - We still aren't as old as Abraham and Sarah! :)

Peace and Love!

No comments:

Post a Comment